moving on

i smelled your cologne today
it was just another man on the train
but it’s funny how one scent, one sound, one place
instantly transports you through a million memories

at one point, i believed
i’d wake up to that cologne for the rest of my life
it was the last thing i breathed in at night
tucked in the circle of your arms
a warm, husky spice
sharper scent than most –
yet it was comfort, it was safety, it was love

now, it just reeks of betrayal and abandonment.

i’ve stopped asking why
i’ve stopped wondering what i could’ve done better
i’ve stopped replaying every moment over and over again
desperately seeking the point in time
that made you stop choosing me
i’ve stopped allowing your love or lack of
to determine my worth and happiness.

i still miss you
but a fading twinge
has replaced that aching, all-consuming emptiness
you destroyed me
yet, when you cross my mind
i still want nothing but the best for you

for awhile, i was resentful,
bitter,
angry,

broken.

but time heals everything
i’ve learned to let go
and move on
and i am slowly finding my happiness again.

i smelled your cologne today
and i smiled
wherever you are,
i hope you’re doing well.

i know i am.

-a.j.

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