Don’t Settle

What does love look like? And why is it worth waiting for?

Last year was wild. Through a variety of relationships and experiences, I feel like I’ve learned a little more about what love looks like – and what it absolutely is not.

True love is selfless.

True love is sacrifice.

It’s prioritizing the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being of someone else over your own happiness.

I feel like many times, we confuse love with infatuation – the desire to spend all our time with a certain person. The undeniable attraction we feel based on their looks, talent, or personality. The giddiness and adrenaline that surges through our body when we discover our feelings are reciprocated. Sometimes, we get more addicted to the way a person makes us feel than to the person themselves.

Love is so much more than an emotion.

If it’s more than blissful giddiness, more than feeling safe and secure, more than ultimate contentment in someone’s company – what is love?

I think love is synonymous with commitment. Choosing not to walk away during an argument when you’re both frustrated and exhausted and it seems like nothing you say is getting through. Continually making an effort to show your significant other that you value and appreciate them because it’s easiest to take for granted those closest to us. Supporting them in pursuing their passions, even if it takes them away from you for a little while.

I say all of this, yet I’ve asked myself over and over again this year – does true love really exist? It seems so idealistic. No one is perfect, no love is perfect – yet at the same time, you can’t settle for less. Love is never manipulative, demanding, or selfish. Too often, it’s easy to fall into destructive patterns and accept less than we deserve when it’s all we’ve seen or known. If our parents or friends didn’t have the healthiest relationships growing up, those role models may be all we’ve witnessed – and as a result, our expectations are set low.

Don’t settle. The love we give is the love we get. I know I need someone ambitious, emotionally intelligent, and passionate about what he does. He needs to be a good listener, hard worker, and devoted family man. I want someone opinionated and educated that I can dialogue with – about everything from current trends to philosophy that existed long before our grandparents were born. However, I can’t get so fixated on looking for these qualities that I forget to exemplify them myself.

This year, my goal is to pursue my passions and ambitions, develop my emotional intelligence, listen more than I speak, and value the friends and family in my life. I want to constantly expose myself to new ideas, read and write more often, and grow in every aspect so that when I do meet the right person, I’m ready. The most fruitful relationships consist of constantly challenging each other to bring out the best in your partner and I’m excited to experience that dynamic.

Until then, I need to focus on becoming the type of person I’d look for –

– still a long way to go.

a.j.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” {1 Corinthians 13:4-8}